ADEMIJU EWATOMI BIRTHDAY ARTICLE AND PHOTOS

THE BIRTHDAY POST: MY 20TH YEAR HIGHLIGHT (AND LOW LIGHT)

This morning I woke up to sound of my phone dinging off the hook. The birthday messages had started rolling in the second the clock hit midnight. My first birthday wisher? My Friend . "Happy Birthday in the future!!" She likes to think I live in the future. I do, kind of...6 hours ahead of the entire East Coast.

My 20th year of life has officially begun.

I was laying in bed last night, "Roomie already snoring away, thinking about my, 19th year and how fast it flew by. As I get older, the years move along quicker and quicker. Why is that? We don't necessarily get busier. We don't shorten the weeks and turn forward our clocks each day. My guess is we don't stop to enjoy the moment we're in enough, so life speeds on by and another year we grow older. Truth be told, 19 wasn't my favorite year ever. In fact, it was one of my harder ones. Not because of any major event in my life (no one passed away, no one did me harm), no, not even for anything anyone around me would have noticed. 19 was hard for reasons I've held onto in the quiet of my mind. I know what you're thinking...I've got an amazing "friends, a loving family, I'm in school, and I've traveled my little heart out...how could year 19 bring me anything but good memories? You're so right. On the outside, 19 was good. REAL GOOD. But on the inside, 19 felt old. For the first time in my life I felt old. Old and behind on every significant milestone I'd ever planned for myself.

Credit to Freego Photography

Don't roll your eyes at me. I realize 19 isn't old at all, but as this past year marched on, my age...mentally, emotionally, and physically...made itself glaringly present to me. My body felt differen. With every page refresh, slowly but surely my brain started melting into one giant pile of anxious ageism. The floodgates of comparison, jealousy, impatience, guilt, and confusion gave way in year 19 and I became my own worst critic. The pressure of comparing where I was at 19 and where everyone else my age was in their own lives started weighing heavy on my heart. I really couldn't tell you why my 19th year decided to wage this internal war on me. Why not year 28? Or 30, even? Seems like a lot of premature worry for a mere19_year-old. But that's my story. 19 be damned.

Today, I'm 20 and the dark cloud has lifted. Today, I'm another year older, but the knot is gone and the only weight on my shoulders is the decision of which restaurant I'll pick for my birthday dinner tonight. Hint: it's probably KFC. This year, I've resolved to stop letting my age and the preconceived milestones that go along with it, define me. I've realized that the only one placing these life deadlines on me was me. I've been my own worst enemy this past year, and it's time I wash myself of it all. I hate to tell such a melancholy story on a day that really does bring such happiness to me (birthday's really, truly are my favorite things in the world). But I guess I just wanted to share that even though I seem like I've got it all figured out most days), I struggle with life, too. Even awesome stuff like birthdays.

The expat birthday is a whole other beast, but I'll save that whiny post for another year. As stupid and irrational as my thoughts about my age were last year, they took up a lot of my time and energy with worry and feelings of insecurity. They also taught me a lot about what's good and special about my life and the path that it's taken these last few years. God has a true and perfect plan, and I spent most of year 19 arguing with Him about it. You'd think I'd know better by now! This year...my beautiful 20th year...I'm letting go of control and giving it back to the One who gave me life in the first place. I'm taking time to enjoy every second I'm given instead of comparing my moments to someone else's. The birthday gift I'm giving myself this year? A break.

On a bit happier note (because I can't leave this birthday post without telling you these things), this day of birth has already shaped up to be quite lovely. Primetimeafrik.blogspot.com. I got an email from him. Subject: A Birthday Gift. I opened the email to find that he'd written an entire blog post for me (and for you). A BLOG POST!

So far, 20 feels...better. I'm sure it will come with its own bundle of ups and downs, but that's the grand ride of life, isn't it? I'm hopeful that as I continue to grow older, age will continue to be just a number instead of a reminder of choices made and life gone by. Cheers to living for today...no regrets, no comparisons.